最新英語幽默笑話
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最新英語幽默笑話
1 Two students missing to exam
Two undergraduates had a week of toughexams coming up. But it was too late for them to start the review. Theirbiggest exam was on Wednesday and they tried to trick their professor by sayingthat their car had broken down the night before due to a very flat tire andthey needed a bit more time to study.
兩個本科生在一周后即將迎來一個魔鬼考試周。然而他們實在復習的太遲了。最重要的一場考試在周三，然而他們決定欺騙一下教授，謊稱前夜車輪漏氣拋錨了，所以請求多一些考試準備時間。
The professor granted them another day tostudy. That evening, both of the boys crammed all night until they were surethat they knew just about everything.
教授多給了他們一天時間去準備。當夜，他們一夜沒睡，徹夜苦讀，確信知識點已經了解，并且全部搞懂。
Arriving at class the next morning, eachboy was assigned to separate classroom to take the exam. As each sat down, theyread the instruction:
次日到達教師之后，兩個學生被分配到不同的教室進行考試。當他們坐定，看到試卷上說明如下：
“For 5 points, explain the contents of atomand how to evaluate the stability of it with appropriate reference. For 95points, tell me WHICH tire it was!”
“解釋原子成分并借助適當的`資料評估其穩定性，共計5分;剩余95分是請告訴我是哪一個輪胎漏的氣!”
2 Job interview with FBI
3 men were at the FBI Building for a jobinterview.
有3個人正去參加美國聯邦調查局總部的工作面試。
The first man walked into the office. The interviewingFBI agent said “to be in the FBI you must be loyal, devoted, and give us yourall. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot herwith this gun.” The man took the gun, hesitated, and said “sorry, I can’t doit.”
第一個人走進了聯邦調查局大樓。聯邦調查局的面試官員：“要做一個聯邦調查員，你應該做到忠誠，專心，并把你的一切都奉獻出來。你的妻子就在隔壁期間，我想讓你去用這把槍打死她。”那個男子拿起槍，開始猶豫，說道：“對不起，我不能夠這樣做。”
The next interviewee came into the office. Theagent said “to be in the FBI you must be loyal, devoted, and give us your all. Yourwife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoot her with thisgun.” The man took the gun, walked into the room, then walk out. “Sorry, I can’tdo it.” He said.
第二個人走進了聯邦調查局大樓。聯邦調查局的面試官員：“要做一個聯邦調查員，你應該做到忠誠，專心，并把你的一切都奉獻出來。你的妻子就在隔壁期間，我想讓你去用這把槍打死她。”那個男子拿起槍，走進房間，接著又退了出來。他說：“抱歉，我不能夠這樣做。”
The last man came into the office. Theinterviewer said “to be in the FBI you must be in loyal, devoted, and give usyour all. Your wife is in the next room. I want you to go in there and shoother with this gun.” The man took the gun and went into the room. The agentheard 6 shots, silence, and then a lot of screaming.
第二個人走進了聯邦調查局大樓。聯邦調查局的面試官員：“要做一個聯邦調查員，你應該做到忠誠，專心，并把你的一切都奉獻出來。你的妻子就在隔壁期間，我想讓你去用這把槍打死她。”他拿起了槍走進了房間。代理聽到了6聲槍響，一陣安靜，接著聽到了一陣尖叫。
The man came out of the room and said “someoneloaded the gun with blanks, so I beat her to death with the curtain railing.”
那個人走出房間說道：“有人裝著空子彈，所以我用窗簾桿子把她打死了!”
3 Teacher: whoever answers my next question, can go home.
老師：誰能回到我下一個問題，誰就可以回家了。
One boy throws his bag out the window.
一個小男孩把書包扔到窗外。
Teacher: who just threw that?!
老師：誰剛剛把書包扔出去了?
Boy: Me! I’m going home now.
男孩：我!我現在要回家了。
4 What dog can jump higher than a building?
什么狗比大樓跳的還高?
Anydog, buildings can't jump!
任何一只狗，大樓又跳不起來。
5 What has a head, a tail, and no body?
什么有頭、有尾，但是沒有身體?
A coin!
硬幣。
6 What has one eye but cannot see?
什么有一只眼睛，卻看不見?
A needle.
針。
7 Wife: "How would you describe me?"
妻子：你會怎么形容我呢?
Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK."
丈夫：ABCDEFGHIJK.
Wife: "What does that mean?"
妻子：那是什么意思?
Husband: "Adorable, beautiful, cute, delightful, elegant, fashionable, gorgeous, and hot."
丈夫：迷人的、魅力的、可愛的、令人愉悅的、優雅的、時髦的、漂亮的和火辣的。
Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?"
妻子：哇，謝謝，但是“IJK”是什么意思呢?
Husband: "I'm just kidding!"
丈夫：開個玩笑!
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