簡(jiǎn)短英語(yǔ)笑話9篇
假如你是一個(gè)性格內(nèi)向的人，那你就來(lái)看英語(yǔ)笑話吧，時(shí)間長(zhǎng)了，你就會(huì)是一個(gè)性格開(kāi)朗的人。下面由YJBYS小編為您整理的多篇英語(yǔ)笑話，以供您的閱讀。
Now We Run 現(xiàn)在我們跑吧
A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach. After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position. He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow, places his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder and gives the doorbell a sold ring. Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles and asks, "And now what, my little man?" The boy replies, "Now we run!"
一個(gè)牧師正沿著街走路，這時(shí)他看到街對(duì)面有個(gè)小男孩正試圖按一所房子的門鈴。但這個(gè)小孩太小了，門鈴又高，他夠不著。看到那個(gè)小男孩費(fèi)了很多勁，牧師走近了他。牧師優(yōu)雅地穿過(guò)馬路，走到小家伙的背后，輕輕地把手放在小男孩肩頭，按響了門鈴。他彎下身子，微笑著問(wèn)道：“接下來(lái)怎么辦，孩子?”小男孩回答說(shuō)：“接下來(lái)我們跑。”
We Left Nothing 我們什么也沒(méi)留下
Mrs Brown was going out for the day. She
locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman
on the door: "NOBODY HOME. DON’T LEAVE ANYTHING."
When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added:
"THANKS! WE HAVEN’T LEFT ANYTHING!"
布朗太太要外出一天。 她鎖好了房門，在門上給送牛奶的人釘了一張便條：“家里沒(méi)人，請(qǐng)不要留下任何東西!” 她當(dāng)天晚上回家后發(fā)現(xiàn)房間門被撞開(kāi)，房子被洗劫一空。在她留給送奶人的便條上，她發(fā)現(xiàn)被補(bǔ)充了一句：“謝謝!我們什么也沒(méi)留下!”
你以為你是誰(shuí)?Who do you think you are?
The bus was crowded, and as one more man tried to get on, the passengers wouldn’t let him aboard.
“It is too crowded, “they shouted.” who do you think you are?”
“I am the driver.” he said.
公共汽車上很擠，當(dāng)又一個(gè)人還是試圖上車時(shí)，乘客們不讓他上。
“車上太擠了，”他們喊道，“你以為你是誰(shuí)?”
“我是司機(jī)!”他說(shuō)。
瘋?cè)嗽?The Looney Bin
Late one night at the insane asylum (瘋?cè)嗽?one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!”Another one said, "How do you know?"
The first inmate said, "God told me!"
Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did not!"
一天晚上，在瘋?cè)嗽豪铮粋�(gè)病人說(shuō)：“我是拿破侖!”另一個(gè)說(shuō)：“你怎么知道?”第一個(gè)人說(shuō)：“上帝對(duì)我說(shuō)的!”一會(huì)兒，一個(gè)聲音從另一個(gè)房間傳來(lái)：“我沒(méi)說(shuō)!”
我要做的一切就是付錢!All I do is pay
"My family is just like a nation," Mr. Brown told his colleague. "My
wife is the minister of finance, my mother-in-law is the minister of war,
and my daughter is foreign secretary."
"Sounds interesting, " his colleague replied. "And what is your
position?"
"I’m the people. All I do is pay."
布朗先生告訴同事說(shuō)：“我的家簡(jiǎn)直就象一個(gè)國(guó)家一樣。我妻子
是財(cái)政部長(zhǎng)。我岳母是作戰(zhàn)部長(zhǎng)，我女兒是外交秘書(shū)。”
“聽(tīng)上去挺有意思的，”他的同事說(shuō)，“那你的職務(wù)是什么呢?”
“我就是老百姓。我要做的一切就是付錢。”
萬(wàn)能的圣誕老人并非啥都知道
As a little girl climbed onto Santa's lap, Santa asked the usual, "And what would you like for Christmas?"
The child stared at him open mouthed and horrified for a minute, then gasped: "Didn't you get my E-mail?"
一個(gè)女孩爬到圣誕老人的膝蓋上，圣誕老人例行公事的問(wèn)：“今年圣誕節(jié)你想要什么呢?”
孩子瞪大眼睛驚訝的望著圣誕老人一分鐘都沒(méi)講話，然后喘著氣說(shuō)到：“你沒(méi)收到我的電子郵件嗎?(我想要什么都寫上面了，萬(wàn)能的圣誕老人咋能不知道捏)”
Psychiatrist 精神病醫(yī)生
Jerry went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!" Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." How much do you charge?" A hundred dollars per visit." I'll sleep on it," said Jerry. Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. For a hundred bucks a visit? The bartender cured me for $10." "Is that so! How?" He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!!!
杰瑞去看精神病醫(yī)生。“醫(yī)生，我有些不對(duì)勁。每次睡覺(jué)的時(shí)候，我都感覺(jué)有人在床下。我要瘋了!”“給我一年時(shí)間，”醫(yī)生說(shuō)，“每周來(lái)三次，我會(huì)治好你。”“費(fèi)用是多少呢?”“每次一百美元。”“我會(huì)認(rèn)真考慮的。”杰瑞答道。六個(gè)月后醫(yī)生和杰瑞在街上相遇了，“為什么你再也沒(méi)來(lái)呢?”醫(yī)生問(wèn)。“一次一百塊錢嗎?有個(gè)酒吧服務(wù)生收了十塊錢就把我治好了。”“真的?他怎么做到的?”“他讓我把床腿鋸掉。現(xiàn)在那沒(méi)人了!”
喂狗 For the Dog
The family seated in a restaurant had finished their dinner when Father Called over the waiter.
"My son has left quite a lot of meat on his plate," explained Father, "Could you give me a bag so that I can take it home for the dog?"
"Gosh, Dad!" exclaimed the excited boy. "Have we got a dog then?"
一家人在飯館里吃過(guò)晚飯，父親把服務(wù)生叫了過(guò)來(lái)。
”先生，什么事?“服務(wù)生問(wèn)。
”我兒子的盤子里剩下許多肉，“父親說(shuō)，”能給我們一個(gè)袋子嗎?我把剩下的東西帶回去喂狗。“
”啊呀，爸爸!“兒子激動(dòng)地叫喊著。”咱家養(yǎng)狗了嗎?“
腦移植 A Brain Transplant
The Brain Surgeon was about to perform a brain transplant.
"You have your choice of two brains," he told the patient, "For $1000 you can have the brain of a psychologist, or for $10,000 you can have the brain of a politician."
The patient was amazed at the huge difference in price. "Is the brain of a politician that much better?" he asked.
The Brain Surgeon replied, "No, it’s not better, just unused."
一個(gè)外科醫(yī)生正要作一個(gè)腦移植手術(shù)。
“你可以從兩個(gè)腦子中選一個(gè)給你。”醫(yī)生告訴病人，“一個(gè)心理學(xué)家的大腦1000美元，一個(gè)政治家的大腦10000美元。
病人很驚訝二者之間這樣大的差別，“政治家的大腦好一些嗎?”他問(wèn)。
醫(yī)生說(shuō)：“不是好一些，只是沒(méi)有用過(guò)。”
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