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英文短篇笑話故事（通用14篇）
幽默的人不僅僅會(huì)說笑話，還要懂得他人說的笑話，來測(cè)試一下你的幽默細(xì)胞的指數(shù)有多高吧!
英文短篇笑話故事 1
Hours of consultation 診療時(shí)間
It was half pass three. The doctor just lay down to have a nap when he heard a loud knock on the door. He got up and asked the man at the door: "What is it?"
"Ive been bitten by a dog," said the man painfully.
"Well, dont you know that my hours of consultation are between twelve and three?" said the doctor unpleasantly.
"I know," groaned the man, "but that confounded(困惑的.) dog didnt know, It bit me at twenty past three."
下午三點(diǎn)半鐘時(shí)，醫(yī)生剛剛躺下想小睡一會(huì)兒，就聽到有人大聲敲門。他起身問門口的人：“什么事呀?”
門口那個(gè)人痛苦地說：“我被狗咬了。”
醫(yī)生很不高興地說：“哦，你不知道我診病的時(shí)間是12點(diǎn)到3點(diǎn)嗎?”
那個(gè)人呻吟著說：“我知道，可是那只該死的狗不知道。它在3點(diǎn)20分咬了我。”
英文短篇笑話故事 2
Ill Change My Name 我會(huì)改一個(gè)名字
At the age of 16, Edely decided to leave home and join a theater company. His father wasappalled(驚駭?shù)?), "A son of mine on the stage? Its a disgrace!" he wailed. "What if the neighbors find out?"
"Ill change my name," the comic-to-be volunteered. "
"Change your name!" His father screamed. "What if youre a success? How will the neighbors know its my son?"
埃迪十六歲了，他決定離開家去參加一個(gè)劇團(tuán)。他的爸爸氣壞了。 “讓我的兒子上舞臺(tái)演戲?真丟臉!”他大叫道，“鄰居們知道了怎么想?”
“我會(huì)改一個(gè)名字。”這位未來的滑稽演員主動(dòng)提出。
“改名字!”他爸爸喊叫著，“那如果你出了名怎么辦?怎么讓鄰居們知道你就是我的兒子呢?”
英文短篇笑話故事 3
My God 我的上帝啊
A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector.
Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up："Youve been on for five miles -- thatll be 50 pennies, please, and 10 pennies for your suitcase."
The Scotsman responds："I havent, I want to have a penny fare, just got on this very moment." They begin to argue, and the ticket collector become more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs the Scotsmans suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.
It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "My God!Not only are you treat to overcharge me for the ticket—but now youre gone a drowned my boy Jenny."
一個(gè)蘇格蘭人提著一只大箱子，坐上了一輛開往倫敦的汽車。上車后，在汽車行駛了5英里的這段路上，他一直在試圖躲開售票員。
售票員最終還是找到了他，并叫他補(bǔ)票:“你已經(jīng)坐了5英里了，請(qǐng)付50便士，你的箱子還要付10便士。”
蘇格蘭人答道：“我是不會(huì)付那么多錢的。我只付1便士，因?yàn)槲覄倓偵宪嚒！弊詈螅麄儬?zhēng)吵起來。售票員越吵越生氣，終于在車子行駛到倫敦大橋上時(shí)，抓起蘇格蘭人的箱子，用力扔出了車外。
箱子掉進(jìn)河里，沉了下去。蘇格蘭人驚呆了，怔怔地站在那里，片刻之后對(duì)售票員說：“我的`上帝啊!你不僅向我多收票錢，現(xiàn)在還淹死了我的兒子強(qiáng)尼。”
英文短篇笑話故事 4
Two guys were riding down the street in a car. They come to a red light. The driver runs the red light. The passenger cries out "Hey, why did you do that?" The driver says, "Dont worry about it, my brother does it all the time."
兩個(gè)男人開車前行，路遇一紅燈，司機(jī)呼嘯而過。乘客大叫：“嘿!你干嗎這樣做?”司機(jī)說：“別擔(dān)心，我兄弟經(jīng)常這么干。”
They came to another red light, and the same thing happens. The passenger is visibly upset and threatens to get out of the car the next chance he gets. At the next light, which is green, the driver slams on his brakes and comes to a screeching halt(停).
又遇一紅燈，司機(jī)依舊呼嘯而過。乘客顯然憤怒了，威脅說如果下次再闖紅燈他就下車。路遇一綠燈，司機(jī)猛踩剎車，車子嘎然而止。
The passenger is confused and asks, "What the heck is wrong with you? You ran two red lights but you stop at the green one."
乘客迷惑了，問道：“你有病吧?剛才闖了兩個(gè)紅燈，現(xiàn)在綠燈了你倒停了。”
The driver responds: "My brother might be coming from the other way!"
司機(jī)回答：“我兄弟可能會(huì)從那邊過來。”
英文短篇笑話故事 5
Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States, she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter, the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. 一位中國(guó)老婦人在美國(guó)看望女兒回來不久，到一家市銀行存女兒送給她的.美元。在銀行柜臺(tái)，銀行職員認(rèn)真檢查了每一張鈔票，看是否有假。
It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more, uttering. "Trust me, Sir, and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America."
這種做法讓老婦人很不耐煩，最后實(shí)在忍耐不住說：“相信我，先生，也請(qǐng)你相信這些鈔票。這都是真正的美元，它們是從美國(guó)直接帶來的。”
英文短篇笑話故事 6
A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day.
一對(duì)夫婦結(jié)婚已經(jīng)25年了，正在一起慶祝他們的結(jié)婚紀(jì)念日和60歲生日。
During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each.
正慶祝時(shí)，一位仙女從天而降說25年來他們一直相親相愛，她將實(shí)現(xiàn)他們每個(gè)人一個(gè)愿望。
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
妻子說想環(huán)游世界。仙女握住了她的.手，只聽轟的一聲。妻子手中出現(xiàn)了各種入場(chǎng)券和票。
Next, it was the husbands turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, Id like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
接著就該丈夫許愿了。他頓了一下，然后不好意思地說：“嗯，我想要一個(gè)比我年輕30歲的妻子。”
The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.
仙女拿起魔杖，只聽轟的`一聲!丈夫變成90歲的老翁了。
英文短篇笑話故事 7
因禍得福
Although my mother，a native of Japan, has lived for 55 years in the United States，she has not adapted complete1y to the cultural change. This is especiallly obvious during her infrequent forays into a large city.
我母親是日本人，她已在美國(guó)生活了55年了，但是，她仍沒完全適應(yīng)這異國(guó)的文化。當(dāng)她偶爾去一次大城市，這種不適應(yīng)就顯得更明顯了。
One day she boarded a bus in Los Angeles，deposited a $5 bill in the coin box and held out her hand for change.Because the coin box is not built to accept paper money，the bus driver growled:“Okay，lady. If you get that bill out,you can ride for free. Otherwise were going to have to dis-mantle this coin box."
一天，她在洛杉磯上了一輛會(huì)共汽車。她取出5元的.紙幣把它塞進(jìn)了收幣機(jī)，然后，她仲出手等著找錢.由于收幣機(jī)不能接收紙幣，所以司機(jī)大聲地吼道:“好了，太大，如果
你能把那紙幣取出來，你今天乘車就免費(fèi)。否則，我們只好拆機(jī)器了。”
My mother hesitated but a moment, then opened her purse，took out a pair of chopsticks，retrieved the bill and smiled as she took her seat.
我母親猶豫了一會(huì)兒，然后打開她的手包，拿出了一副筷子，用它把錢夾了出來。她面帶著笑容找了個(gè)空座位坐下了。
英文短篇笑話故事 8
guardian angle守護(hù)天使
A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice:
有一名男子正走在街上的'時(shí)候聽到一個(gè)聲音：
"Stop!Stand still!If you take one more step,a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
“停!站住不要?jiǎng)映蚩诠阍僮咭徊剑蜁?huì)有一個(gè)磚塊掉到你的頭上砸死你。”
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him.
這名男子停住了，一個(gè)大磚塊就掉在他的面前。
The man was astonished .
這名男子非常驚訝。
He went on,and after a while he was going to cross the road.
他繼續(xù)向前走：不久后，他要穿越馬路。
Once again the voice shouted;
那個(gè)聲音再次叫說：
Stop!Stand still!If you take one more step a car will over you and you will die."
“停!站住不要?jiǎng)樱绻阍僮咭徊剑蜁?huì)有一輛汽車輾過你，你就會(huì)死掉。”
The man did as he was instructed,這名男子因?yàn)樵恢甘具^，所以就照著做，just as a car came careening around the corner,barely missing him.
此時(shí)正好有一輛汽車左搖右晃地沖過轉(zhuǎn)角處，差一點(diǎn)撞上他。
"Where are you? " the man asked,"Who are you? "
這名男子問說：“你在哪里?你是誰?”
"I am your guardian angle," the voice answered.
這個(gè)聲音回答說：“我是你的守護(hù)天使。…”
"Oh yeah?" the man asked."And where the hell were you when I got married?"
這名男子問說：“喔，是嗎?那我結(jié)婚的時(shí)候：你死到哪里去了?”
英文短篇笑話故事 9
Flowers
花
A new business was opening and one of the owners friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion.
有一家公司開幕，老板的其中一位朋友為了這件太事要送他花。
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,
他們到達(dá)了新的.公司地點(diǎn)，老板讀了卡片的 內(nèi)容：
"Rest in Place."
“安息吧”。
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
老板非常生氣就打電話給花店抱怨。
After he had told the florist of the obvious mitake
就在他告訴花店這項(xiàng)明顯的錯(cuò)誤，
and how angry he was ,
以及他有多么生氣之后，
the florist replied,
花廟卻回答說：
"Sir,I am really sorry for the mistake,
“先生，我真的對(duì)于這項(xiàng)錯(cuò)誤感到十分抱歉，
but rather than getting angry,
但是與其生氣，
you should imagine this :
你還不如應(yīng)當(dāng)想象
somewhere there is a funeral taking place today,
以下這個(gè)情況：今天有一個(gè)地方在舉行葬禮，
and they have flowers with a note saying,
他們收到了花，還附上一張紙條說：
‘Congratulations on your new location "
‘恭喜新居落成!”’
英文短篇笑話故事 10
兩全齊美
Early one morning, my next-door neighbor set to work with a power hedge-trimmer. He was half through the job when a neighbor appeared，still in his pajamas. He was carrying his own power clipper and offered his help, which was gratefully accepted. When the job was done, my neighbor thanked his benefactor，commenting that it had been "a real neighborly act".
一天清晨，我隔壁的鄰居在用一個(gè)電動(dòng)剪修機(jī)修草坪。當(dāng)他干到一半兒的時(shí)侯，另一個(gè)鄰居也來了。他仍穿著睡衣，手里拿著他自家的電動(dòng)剪修機(jī)，說是來幫忙的。這個(gè)要求當(dāng)然不會(huì)被拒絕了。活干完時(shí)，我那位受益的`都居對(duì)他表示了謝意，還評(píng)論說:“這才是真正的部居。”
"Dont mention it，“replied the other man. "I figured,by helping you，it would only take half as long and I could get back to sleep!"
另一個(gè)鄰居卻說:“不用客氣。我算了一下，幫你一個(gè)忙，可以節(jié)省一半時(shí)間，然后我還能回去睡覺。”
英文短篇笑話故事 11
In the supermarket
在超市里
The man approached a very beautiful woman in a supermatrket and asked, "You know, lve lost my wife hare in the supermarket.Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?¨
在一個(gè)超市里，一個(gè)男子走向一位非常漂亮的小姐，對(duì)她說：”我和我的`妻子走散了，你能和我聊一會(huì)兒?jiǎn)幔俊?/p>
"Why ?¨she asks．
“為什么呢？”這個(gè)小姐問。
"Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman.my wife appears out of nowhare."
“因?yàn)槊慨?dāng)我與漂亮小姐聊天時(shí)，我的妻子就會(huì)不知從什么地方出來。
英文短篇笑話故事 12
Dying in peace安然死亡
Helen was on her deathbed ,海倫躺在她臨終的病床上奄奄一息。
with her husband Jack at her side.
她的`丈夫陪在她的身旁。
He held her cold hand and tears silently streamed down his face.
他握著她冰冷的手，淚水靜靜地從他的臉上流下來。
Her pale lip moved. "Jack," she said,"
她蒼白的嘴唇顫動(dòng)著。她說：“杰克，”
Hush," he quickly interrupted, "Dont talk."
他很快就打斷說：“噓，不要說話。”
But she insisted,"Jack,"she said in her tired voice.
但是她堅(jiān)持要說。她以疲憊的聲音說：
"I have to talk.I must confess.”
“杰克，我一定要說。我必須向你坦白。”
"There is nothing to confess,"said the weeping Jack.
滿臉淚水的杰克說：“沒什么好坦白的。
"Its all right.Everythings all right."
沒關(guān)系。一切都沒事。”
"No,No!I must die in peace.I must confess,Jake ,that I have been unfaithful to you."
“不，不，我必須死得安心。我一定要坦白我對(duì)你不忠;紅杏出墻。”
Jack stroked her hand .
杰克撫摸著她的手。
"Now ,Helen,dont be concerned.I know all about it," he sobbed.
他啜泣著說：“海倫，現(xiàn)在你不要擔(dān)心了。我全部都知道了。
"Why else would I poison you ?"
不然我為什么要毒死你呀?"
英文短篇笑話故事 13
The little girl was sitting in her grandfathers lap as he read her a story. From time to time, she would take her eyes’ off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by she was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again.
小女孩坐在祖父的膝上讀故事。她時(shí)不時(shí)的從書上轉(zhuǎn)移視線抬起頭來碰到他褶皺的`臉。隨后她摸摸自己的臉頰又回去摸摸祖父的'。
Finally she spoke, "Granddaddy, did God make you?"
最后她問：“爺爺，是上帝創(chuàng)造的你嗎？”
"Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago."
“是啊，甜心。”他回答道：“上帝很久前創(chuàng)造出了我。”
"Oh" she said, then "Granddaddy, did God make me too?"
“喔。”她回答。接著又問道：“爺爺，上帝也創(chuàng)造了我嗎？”
"Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago."
“是啊，當(dāng)然了寶貝。”他向她保證：“上帝只是不久前創(chuàng)造的你。”
"Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "Gods getting better at it now isnt he?"
“喔。”她回答。又分別感受了兩人的臉頰，邊觀察邊說：“上帝的技術(shù)越來越好了，是不？”
英文短篇笑話故事 14
Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents house. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers, when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs: "I pray for a bicycle. I pray for a new toy."
兩個(gè)小男孩在祖父母家過夜。睡覺的`時(shí)候，兩個(gè)小男孩跪在床邊開始祈禱，這時(shí)小一些的孩子扯開嗓子大聲喊道：“我祈求得到一輛自行車。我祈求有一個(gè)新玩具。”
His older brother leaned over, nudged him and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isnt deaf."
他的'哥哥靠過來，用肘輕碰他說：“你為什么這么大聲喊叫呢？上帝又不是聾子。”
To which the little brother replied, "No, but Grandma is!"
弟弟回答說：“是的，但是奶奶聽不到呀！”
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